Buzz off to infinity: a secret letter to Buzz Osborne of the Melvins

Dear Buzz Osborne,

I hope this letter finds you well. As a huge fan of the Melvins, I have always been struck by the raw, abrasive energy of your music and the way it challenges the listener to slumber inside of the box. It was while listening to one of your albums that I had an epiphany: your music and your giant bonushead are in fact the same phenomenon. Both are bold, unapologetic, and completely unique, and it is this fearlessness that makes them so powerful.

I am writing to you today to share with you my book “Poetry to Read in the Dark,” and to explain why I believe you should give it a read. As a buzz poet (if you’ll pardon the pun), I have always been fascinated by the way that hair can be used as a symbol of identity, power, and rebellion. In my book, I explore these themes through a series of poems that are meant to be read in the dark, allowing the reader to fully immerse themselves in the experience.

Bonushead buzzing in poetry

Here are five reasons why I think you should give my book a read:

  1. Uno) Hair as a symbol of individuality: Just as your giant bonushead sets you apart from the crowd, the poems in my book explore the ways in which hair can be used to express one’s individuality and resistance to conformity.
  2. Due) Hair as a source of power: From Samson to Rapunzel, hair has long been associated with strength and power. In my book, I delve into the ways in which hair can be used to assert control and command attention.
  3. Tres) Hair as a form of rebellion: Whether it’s a mohawk or a rainbow-colored dye job, hair can be used to defy societal norms and make a statement. My book celebrates the rebellious spirit that is often associated with unconventional hairstyles.
  4. Quattro) Hair as a marker of identity: Whether we realize it or not, the way we style our hair can say a lot about who we are and where we come from. My book delves into the way that hair can be used to signal cultural and personal identity.
  5. Cinque) Hair as a source of inspiration: From the wild manes of rockstars to the sleek, smooth locks of movie stars, hair has long been a source of inspiration for artists and writers. My book is no exception, and I hope that it will inspire you to think about hair in new and exciting ways.

Buzz, here is my book, I give it to you for free:

Poetry to Read in the Dark (2022) (362 downloads)

Of course there’s a caveat: the above mentioned hair is just a metaphor. There is hair in the book, but its invisible hair. To some people my words will even be bald.

My challenge to you is to discover how much bonushead can buzz in my poetry.

I hope that you will consider giving my book a read. Thank you for all that you do to push the boundaries of music and inspire others to buzz off to infinity.

Yours truly, Martijn Benders

To internet readers who are unfamiliar with the work of the Melvins, here is their latest masterpiece:

Lord of Bzzzzz


Known as Xee-PArX SHKLot FAKRK I was minding my own business s a benovalent(1) ruler over an autonomous but relevant section of the Gamma-tertia quadrant of a galaxy, when an interdimensional hackhole zapped me into this dimension, where I have to deal with 'humans' who talk about 'reptiles' and 'lizards' and they have not got the faintest clue what they are talking about. It does not sound very inclusive at all!

The identity M.H.H. Benders is a most recognised poet of his generation, a student of the universal mycelia,  Amanita Sage and party leader of the Dutch 'Woudpartij'. He wrote sixteen books, the last ones at the Kaneelfabriek (Cinnamon Factory). He is currently working on 'SHHHHHHROOM a book on mushrooms and the Microdose Bible, which is an activation plan to restore your true identity coming next year. Keep in touch! But only if we do it first.

(1) not a typo! These humans have never even SEEN the mercy of a supernova.