Who Should I Submit to for the Grammy?
This is what I’ve been working on the past few years: the best country album ever made in the Netherlands. I’ve put no less effort into it than I would into a poetry collection—in fact, probably a lot more. Kroes didn’t exactly have an easy time with it either. I’m currently on my way to Lapland to shoot some additional footage. Kroes didn’t want to come along again and stayed in Helmond.
Why is there a German song on it too? If you take a look at the immigration map of the USA, you’ll see that 85% of the population has German roots. German is in their blood. There’s also a lot of Polka in Country.
For lyricists, country music is the Champions League—even someone like Nick Cave admits that. Prine, Bare, Walker—so how do I submit this album for a Grammy? Does it have to be made in the US? Oh wait, I absolutely don’t want to fly there. All it takes is for them to dig up an old social media post, and next thing you know, you’re in jail.
I know a Turkish guy who spent three weeks in custody because he had an illegal copy of Windows on his laptop. Yes, seriously. He’s never EVER going back to the USA. But if I win a Grammy, I might just give Bart van der Pligt a sweet look—or maybe hit up Dikke Dennis again—because Kroes has a fear of flying. Not much help there.
According to my Italian publisher, my poetry is highly provocative. Now that I reread Lippenspook, I think, yes, that’s a fair perspective. Still, in my mind, Lippenspook was actually one of my more subdued collections. Aren’t you, in plasticlepelinhetbreinstein, by definition provocative if you’re doing any real thinking at all? Because the superiority formula requires that the object in question always be the highest conceivable. If it then has a plastic spoon stuck in its brain, that must become the ultimate standard. This does not bode well for humanity. Research shows that racism and fascism thrive in stupidity.
Yours sincerely,
Martinus Benders