This article is based on this Dutch article of Martinus Benders
April 28, 2025
Now that Americans are rapidly becoming less like us than we thought, it was only a matter of time before Kroes came out of the closet again.
A true story—these days you really have to be careful who your daughter brings home. Lethargy kills the soul. I mean, nothing against nice guys. Unless they play in wedding bands… it made me wonder, is it the coke, or am I woke now?????
My daughter started dating.
She just turned twenty-one.
I told her: find a guy on parole,
because guys on parole
are the ones with soul.
Instead, she brought home a moron.
Never even smoked a joint.
No tattoos, no gang.
His name was Ethan Cornflake,
he played in a wedding band.
Is it the coke or am I woke now?
Do you really think he’s dope now?
All I see is a wedding joke now,
twenty-one and hope is broke now.
Is it the coke or am I woke now?
He took her out on a date
and showed up in a white Peugeot.
Wore socks inside his sandals,
talked about crypto and scented candles.
He quoted lines from Coldplay
then bowed and said “Namaste.”
Brought her back at 8:20,
and asked if we had vegan candy.
Is it the coke or am I woke now?
Do you really think he’s dope now?
All I see is a wedding joke now,
twenty-one and hope is broke now.
Is it the coke or am I woke now?
I know I haven’t been the best dad,
but I want a man for my girl.
What did I do wrong
to deserve a Cornflake soul?
See me growing old
with this plastic mold—
it’s a fucked-up little world.
Repeat refrain.
© 2025 Martijn Benders & Kroes den Bock