My Story: from addict to mycology

Hello, I’m Martijn Benders, but you may know me by my pen name, M.H.H.Benders. Once a writer entrenched in the bleak dystopian narratives of our world, my life was a self-destructive script of epic proportions. Today, I am an expert in wild mushrooms, free from the shackles of addiction that once bound me.

My story begins in Istanbul, 2013. A life-altering year marked by the forced divorce from my wife, the resulting separation from my child, and a crippling financial crisis. My heart was in Turkey, but life had pushed me to the solitude of a trailer in the woods, with a bottle of alcohol as my only companion.

As the days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, my reality mirrored the dystopian worlds I once created. My existence became a testament to my own narrative of despair, with addiction playing the lead role. In a misguided attempt to break free, I found myself in the office of a doctor, who, with a scribble on a prescription pad, introduced me to a new antagonist: Lorazepam.

The combination of alcohol and lorazepam led me down an even darker path. The more I tried to escape, the deeper I fell. But just as I was teetering on the edge of oblivion, a moth came flapping into my life. It was flapping into my face in the middle of the night in another drunken stupor. It was a winter night, dark and cold, when this magical creature dusted me with its golden grace. The moth’s visitation became a turning point, a catalyst for change.

I decided then and there to quit everything – a promise easier made than kept. My first battle was against Lorazepam. The withdrawal was a torment, a testament to my body’s dependence. But I persevered. I quit cold turkey – a decision I wouldn’t recommend to anyone, but one I survived nonetheless. Having conquered the benzodiazepines, the other addictions seemed less menacing. One by one, I overcame alcohol, antidepressants, and finally, nicotine.

Free from the fetters of addiction, I began to contemplate a system to assist others facing similar demons. As I pondered, an unexpected ally appeared: a wild mushroom, the Amanita Muscaria. This fascinating teacher gave me a lesson I never forgot, and I started to use and investigate wild mushrooms.

The story of my transformation, filled with magic, philosophy, art, and poetry, is detailed in my book, “Amanita Muscaria – the Book of the Empress.” It narrates the journey of my recovery, the re-emergence of my true self from the ashes of addiction. Today, I stand before you not just as Martijn, the writer, but also as Martijn, the mycologist, the survivor, and the beacon of hope for those still battling their demons.

My journey is proof that, no matter how far one has fallen, there’s always a path to rise again. It’s never too late to rewrite your story.

So I decided to devote my life to a high energy: helping others in a journey of rediscovery of the true self.

I wrote two thick philosophical works that may help others on the path, and I went back to school, the school of the forest: for years we have been hunting and experimenting with wild mushrooms from the diverse ancient forests in Europe, as well as reading thousands of scientific studies, to be able to write books about mushrooms that stand out and will make a difference in your life.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this – I wish you a wonderful journey.

Martijn Benders has published twenty-six books, eighteen of which are in Dutch. He has been named one of the greatest talents of his time by critics like Komrij and Gerbrandy. He has also written three philosophical works, one of which is in English about the Amanita Muscaria, the Fly Agaric. Publishing on the international stage of The Philosophical Salon, he has also gained international recognition as one of the most remarkable thinkers from the Netherlands.